I'm sorry for my lack of recent posts, but the last ten days have resulted in huge changes in my life, and my down time has been pretty occupied with making pro and con lists and rewriting my resume.  I've mentioned before that the company where I've worked for fifteen years has spent the last twenty months preparing us for downsizing.  As a result, in mid-December, I was given a new position with a new boss and new staff.  Since then, instead of relishing a new opportunity and facing the challenge, I knew with every new day that this was a position I did not want.  Call me crazy when I spent so many months worried if I would still have a job there, but after a lot of sleepless nights and soul searching, I decided that I'd had enough, and I decided to leave the company.  I'll still be there for about another month which will probably feel like a lifetime because I'm eager to move on with the next phase of my life now.  When I had finally made the decision and submitted the paperwork, it was as if a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  Gradually, every day, I've gotten more and more excited about it.  On Saturday, I felt completely drained and basically sat in the same chair for hours and then went to bed at 9:00.  Yesterday, to take my mind off of things, the new puppy we had adopted from a rescue came home.  I will be busy with potty training, cleaning out my office, starting a job search and trying to be more focused on the things I enjoy doing instead of the things I have to do.  I said 2013 was going to be me getting back to what I like and what makes me feel comfortable, and I really meant it.

Some time ago, the hub and A convinced me that I shouldn't wear my hair pulled back tightly any more.  They both used the terms "severe" and "strict," but I quite like it, and I've decided that 2013 is going to be all about doing and wearing what I like.  It's ironic that I'm wearing a bright, floral dress while declaring that I no longer will be making an effort to add color to my wardrobe.  It's been sometimes stressful worrying about how to add color to an outfit.  I love to wear black and white.  I'm comfortable in it.  I'm going back to it.  I love neutrals; my entire wardrobe is built around black, white, grey and tan.  This might be the year of navy; it might not.  I might wear red or orange or yellow.  I might not.  No more rules; no more shoulds.  If I like the look of something, I'm going to do it.  If I don't, I'm not.  It's as simple as that.  I might pull my hair back like this or I might go all grey, but I'm going to enjoy doing it.

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Last week I was running late to a meeting the day before I took off for my Christmas vacation.  I walked into a very small, enclosed conference room which was warm and too full of people and immediately felt like I was back in high school.  Someone was wearing Calvin Klein Obsession.  I don't find very many people who wear Obsession anymore, but it was one of the first fragrances I wore and it made me remember being young and trying to figure out what types of scents I wanted to wear.  Ironically, A wanted fragrance for the first time for Christmas.  She read several descriptions online and was sure that she would like something with vanilla that was sweet smelling.  When we went into Sephora for her to actually sample those on her list, she was really surprised that she didn't like any that she thought she would.  Sephora will make you a sample of three scents every time you go in to give you a chance to try them and make your choice.  She finally settled on Lady Gaga's Fame.  Everyone in the family was sure that it was because of Lady Gaga, but when we passed it around on Christmas Eve, almost everyone liked it.  The oddest thing for me is that my baby is a teenager.  When did that happen?

Linked to What I Wore Wednesday on The Pleated Poppy

I love things that you can modify, change or use in some other way.  I've started to post on another blog, The Bespoke Lifestyle, about all the other interests in my life, and over there you can see the latest piece of furniture which I'm using in a new way.  This scarf is another example.  It's a cheap, little, give-away which I got at Ulta over a year ago.  I've had it in a drawer, but on my recent closet purging, I pulled it out and saw the buttons.  Why I wondered, does this scarf have buttons.  Then I read the little attached tag which described different ways to drape and button it.  Honestly, most of them didn't require buttons but were just your standard ways of draping a scarf, but it did show how to style it the way I've done it here as sleeves or as a cape which intrigued me.

Thank you to everyone who left kind words about my work situation.  I'm still employed.  My staff of 40 people was split into four groups.  Three of them went with me, and we have been joined by 14 others where we will be forming a new department.  I hate to admit to being a glass half empty kind of person right now (and I'm really working on trying to be more positive with my thinking - you should see my bedtime reading to prove it!), but every time someone tells me how exciting this is for me, I cringe.  If I had this opportunity five years ago, I would have pounced on it.  Now I keep second guessing myself and waiting for it to blow up in my face, to get the call that they've changed their minds.  A lot of it has to do with not feeling like I have the greatest support network at work right now.  It is so true that under times of stress you find out who your real friends are.  I'm plugging along though.  I have so much to be thankful for, and when I look around at the challenges that others are facing, it feels really selfish to complain.  I have my healthy family, and we have a home and more luxuries than I can count.  We decided to take a new dog into our family this week who my wonderful niece has rescued.  He has some health problems, but we got great news today that he could be ours much sooner than expected.  We've decided to name him Seamus, and I'll introduce him when he arrives.

Linked to: Lipgloss and Crayons and Two Thirty Five Designs

I was cleaning photos off of the Mac and came across these that I had never posted from August.  This was in the midst of the hottest, most humid string of weather we had this summer which I think shows in my hair.  But even in the heat, the hub and I wanted to get out of the house one day.  We decided to run out for a quick treat, and I've been driving by this little coffee place for a while, so we decided to give it a try.  Even in the heat, I have to have my coffee, but the hub went for iced tea.  Unfortunately for us, lots of people had the same idea, and there was no place for us to sit inside, so here we are pressed into the shade trying to enjoy our drinks.  I have to admit that we only lasted about five minutes before we headed for the car and the air conditioning at home.

Linked to What I Wore Wednesday on The Pleated Poppy

After waiting 19 months for the other shoe to drop, it dropped last night, but it didn't hit the floor.  It is currently suspended on a ledge waiting for another good shove.  Okay enough with the cryptic talk.  My company is reorganizing; I may be like so many others, unemployed soon.  We've known it was coming for 19 excruciating months.  Some days have been easier than others.  Some days it seemed like it was never going to happen because it was taking so long, and some days were painful and resulted in sleepless nights, headaches and neck tension.  Over the last week, things began to accelerate with all signs pointing to some kind of announcement coming at any moment.  Last night I received an email telling me I'm being moved back into the organization I worked in three years ago before I was promoted to my current position.  Most of my staff is not going with me, but we all still have jobs.  I honestly have no idea what my new job is, but it sounds like this is just a temporary stop for a few months while they continue to work on the org structure.  I know I'm not "safe," I know it could still happen, but I'm trying to move forward.  A lot of people have given the advice to view this as an opportunity to think about what I really want to do and to follow that path.  That, I'm finding, is not as easy as it sounds.  

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