Those Shoes and Some Deep Thoughts
7/03/2011I bought these Badgley Mischka shoes after looking for shoes that had a feather accent. I wanted something that was not black and so settled on this champagne color.
I have a dress that's almost the exact color which I decided to wear to my mom's 80th birthday dinner.
Starting this blog and posting pictures of myself has been really difficult for me. More than I ever imagined. I've had to deal with a lot of the aspects of aging that I'm finding I don't like. Yet, it seems ridiculous for me to complain about them.
I am by no means old yet. I'm heavier than I was four years ago, but I'm a size 6/8, and on a good day, I still wear a 4. But I know that things are not in the same places they were a few years ago. People often say I look younger than my age, but in pictures especially, I noticed the drooping around my jaw.
I was a size 0/2 for a lot of my adult life. I'm almost 5'8", and I always wear heels, so most of the time, I'm at least 5'10". I was the tall, thin girl with the striking features and extremely pale skin. Did I have what it takes to be a model? No, and I know that because I heard it from the best. I was too short, too curvy, too ethnic (?), my legs were too big, my nose was too big, and yet, I often got the question from people I met, "Have you ever thought of modeling?" "Are you a model/actress/dancer?" I tried to break into modeling for a very short time in the 80's, but my mother didn't want me to do it, and when I started hearing the criticism from agencies, I knew I didn't have what it took. But that didn't matter in the "real" world. I had a lot of self-confidence and some of it came from knowing that I was attractive.
I have a wonderful husband, great kids, and amazingly supportive family, and a measure of success in my career. The problem I have is that we are so youth and beauty-centric. I want to believe that it doesn't matter, but I know that when I think of myself, I don't see the woman in these pictures. Inside I'm still the woman I was 20 years ago, and I'm beginning to struggle with the image in the mirror and pictures.
Maybe the more I see it, the more I'll get used to it, and the confidence will grow again. I hope so.
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6 comments
You're a beautiful woman. I do hope you'll learn to love growing older, and regain your confidence. I understand the scariness of putting pictures of yourself up for all to see as well -- but you will get used to it, promise! There are so many incredibly beautiful over 30, 40, 50, and up women out there as we're living longer and have healthier lifestyles. I love my wrinkles, they show I've lived, really lived, loved, experienced much joy, and some sadness. Those wrinkles are me, the real me, not the work of a plastic surgeon creating a fantasy woman. Ageing isn't easy, but I sure feel a lot more confident now than I did in my 20s as the experience and knowledge that comes with age is priceless! I agree that our society is too youth and beauty-centric, and hope that beautiful women like all of us that are "older" help to turn this around! After all, even those gorgeous 20-something's will be older one day too!
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Suzanne
PS the shoes are GORGEOUS,
Suzanne, thanks for the words of encouragement. When I posted today with the pictures of lips it's amazing. Even my 12-year old found fault with her lips. Why are we so crazy about criticizing ourselves?
ReplyDeleteIt is insane, and it's up to us as mothers to change this in our daughters -- sons too! Keep being beautiful string as gorgeously as you are!
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Suzanne
Duh, darn iPad changed my word to "string" I mean to say keep aging as beautifully as you are!
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Suzanne
Fact: I don't have any editing software installed on my 'puter and the only editing I might do is if I have a hideous spot and I do a tiny retouch on iPhoto. That's it. Period. I refuse to cover up my ageing process. Yesterday I posted pics of myself that display my crows feet, neck crepe and forehead wrinkles. I've been blogging for a year and I've grown to love experimenting with clothes so much, that I've finally stopped caring about what others think of my ageing. I don't drink, smoke or go in the sun. That's it. You are extremely gorgeous Gina and you will be fine. It just takes a little time to get used to the process ... meanwhile I cannot recommend more, having a rolicking good time trying out new looks - it's so much fun, it outweighs the negative and you can have a laugh at some of the hilarious rubbish that people call trends. You clearly have a good eye for shoes;))). Thank you for sharing this post, you are a lovely and sensitive woman. xo
ReplyDeletePull Your Socks Up - Thanks! I needed that!
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